Reflection: Love Letters to the Beloved Monster Within
"A woman like that is not a woman, quite...// A woman like that is misunderstood...// A woman like that is not ashamed to die./ I have been her kind." -Anne Sexton
Have you made peace with having been "her kind", made peace with the monster we all have within? This monster meditation is where we began the month of October, the month associated with ghouls and harvests and longer nights. We discussed how we often tend to suppress our monster/s from shame or over associate/attach to them for protection. Both responses will not bring us peace, as both cause us to live in ghost stories: the fear of a perceived future or a past that has already gone to history. One critical aspect of Sexton's poem is the tense of the refrain. Notice it is not present. The poem does not claim current association "I am her kind", instead, it is a reference to the past. There is a honesty there, from a current, healed space.
If we want to argue that our shadows do not matter, they are there despite our efforts… as the ritual on the gut microbiome reminds us. The fact is, bacteria and microbes outnumber our cells ten to one. We may be more monster than hero, but perhaps making friends with this allows us to begin to perceive ourself as the more lovable anti-hero, anyway. We are complex, unique and deserve a story-line that honors that truth. Think about the story-line in Wuthering Heights, don’t you think after some consideration that Cathy and Heathcliff deserved better stories to be told about them? More nuanced, complex, and honest stories that aren't only focused on their shadows? If we simplify ourselves to the binary of light or dark, we ignore some deep truths about ourselves, and life cannot just be light or shadows, they work together to create.
The Sun and Shadows playing to create beauty in Venice.
I write this on October 31st, the very end of the month, and a day associated with many things, namely Halloween in the US. This holiday is largely inspired by and a reflection of harvest festivals of old-world, like the Celtic Samhain. The ancient Celts had quarterly festivals around fire, taking place between and on equinox and solstices. Largely, Samhain focuses on the gathering of the harvests and welcoming of the seasonal shift. Also, there is a spiritual aspect, with the time of the year being the thinnest between the worlds of the living and the dead. This, like Día de los Muertos, means that those gone through the veil and or monsters can walk amongst the living.
Because of this belief, many cultures leave out gifts to appease lost loved ones and mischievous fairies (or evil spirits). So, trick-or-treat capitalizes on this idea of giving appeasement, being aware, or “else.” Often, these times allowed people to dress and behave differently from their daily norm—consume excess, drink excess, and dress/act as a character that is not themselves (like an alter-ego). So much of Halloween is largely derived from numerous harvest festivals in the fall season. So, let’s reflect on how we might apply these concepts to our own healing journey:
Give yourself 20-30 minutes to write on these questions. Allow yourself to free-write, meaning keep the pen/penicil (keyboard) moving, inspite of whatever your internal critic may offer. This may mean you write in fragments or lists. It could mean you write in multiple languages. It could mean you make it creative, as a poem or short story, even an occasional doodle. Allow what naturally occurs on the page to happen.
Did you soften to aspects of yourself this month which you had prior felt resistance towards? If you did, explore how. If not, explore what might be resisting.
Let’s think of the harvest metaphorically: what have you grown this fall—habits or beliefs or relationships, etc.?
What can you harvest now to enjoy for winter, what might you need to toss to the fire and release?
What is one literal way you can enjoy the harvest in the coming week?
What is one way you can release this week?
Is your instinct to suppress your shadows/monsters or to over-identify with them?
How might this new awareness of your tendencies with your monsters help you in the coming month?
Be literal here…in your daily interactions, your internal self-talk.
How can you be kinder to your more monstrous aspects of self, yet not accept their limiting thoughts and behaviors?
Often we tend to “punish” these parts of ourselves, but that rarely fixesanything. So much of the time, we need to give love to ourselves, but that love does not mean to excuse problematic ideas and behaviors (usually by creating stories of victim-hood).
Consider, when you are deep in the mental anguish of these moments, how would you want to be loved and held accountable?
How can you give this to yourself this coming month?
