Breath-work to Navigate Paradox
“Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” Rainer Maria Rilke
The Vagus Nerve
The wise poet, Austrian born Rainer Marie Rilke claims in his Book of Hours that we should allow all experience to happen to us, to not resist no matter how pleasant or unpleasant, as “no feeling is final.” Often, Rilke spoke of grief, and how we tend to “waste our suffering.” Our biggest catalysts of change and growth are typically due to what we may at first deem “unpleasant” emotions (I’ll write more about change from a research and wellness perspective this month). Just as the “part of” exercise teaches us, not only are feelings not final but they are not singular.
Based on the research of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, our emotions have a lifespan of about ninety-seconds. A minute and a half. After that, we are only restimulating the original emotion. From her research coined the “90 second rule.” This research tells us that our thoughts and emotions are extremely fleeting, they aren't final.
When emotions hang around for longer, what typically happens is that we attach a story to a fleeting emotion and we end up “re-triggering” the emotion over and over. The emotions that tend to get the longest running stories are: rage, disappointment, humiliation, regret, shame, disgust, frustration, loneliness, depression, insecure. When these visitors continue to appear, we move out of the mind and into the body through the “fight or flight” response. This is because we activate the Sympathetic Division of our nervous system from the stress of the emotional trauma. (When these stories become attached to our identity, we have to additional work to deconstruct the narratives to heal. Utilizing narrative therapy is an incredible tool for this type of healing, reach out to either join Writing Heal or work 1:1).
When these types of emotions appear, this is when diaphragmatic breath work is so helpful, to help calm the body and mind simultaneously. As we activate our diaphragm this engages the Parasympathetic nervous system (rest/digest state), by taking longer exhalations. The longer out-breath helps to tone and strengthen the Vagus nerve. The stronger the better, in this case. Breath-work allows us to acknowledge complex emotions without over-identifying with them or letting them sit in the body too long (potentially causing chronic stress, which leads to a whole host of issues from the stress cascade).
as complex emotions appears utilize the 4-4-8 strategy
Breathe in through your nose for a count of four.
Hold the breath at the top for a count of four.
Breathe out slowly through the mouth for a count of eight.
Repeat this for two to five minutes. Gradually build.
Don’t resist what comes up, just use the breath to observe and remain open.
This can be used in the moment, or retroactively. Practice this breath-work daily, at any time, and give witness to how quickly with Vagal toning that you are able to recognize the fleeting nature of an emotional state. Don’t resist or shame an emotional reaction, just watch it pass and learn from it. Like Rilke teaches, never waste the beauty or suffering of your life, it is all so temporary.
Be good,
Amanda
